I Think About This Every Single Time

Is it something to read and learn something from?

Is it art plastered on a sheet with words that move us deeply within or trigger us to anger and frustration or sadness or blank stated emotions that neither shift us or behoove us to change or reframe or grace ourselves the stillness to grow from?

What is a blog supposed to do these days?

I suffer when I write and ask my Self every time, who is it that I'm writing to?

A friend, a loved one, or hoping to impress someone of divine?

I do it all the time, every time I write.

I fight through the the might, to keep my authentic connection in sight.

Sometimes it stops me from completing a rhyme,

and the thoughts get so real and I feel like I'm stepping or crossing a line,

but the fact of the matter is,

I'm trusting the Divine.

I'm closing my eyes, and opening my heart wide,

I'm breathing it in while holding my head high,

I'm dropping to my knees, and I'm praying for peace.

I'm humbling my Soul, I'm walking through reckoning.

And it still gets me. Cause I only know so little, despite what you think. I have no such experience as those in lifetime reincarnations to complete.

The energy of fear, it is a real thing.

It has stopped me many times from expressing, publishing, creating;

holding a weight over my head and using loved ones as spears.

If I shine and let me out, can I actually survive,

the ridicule not from strangers,

but from family that watched me grow over time?

I think about this every single time.

My heart pounds, and my energy rises, in a way that scares me and forgives me,

the feeling of being fine, without the need of approval.

To please your family or set the expression out that's inside?

There is disease of terror and pride in all of humanity,

in a collection with eyes; we forget to see the souls inside.

On both ends, in mirrors and ships, we relation to each other not in compassion,

but an air of immunity that drives us to believe we vs them,

whomever it is, we justify ourselves,

for our judgements on people, our perspective, and our ego's main whales.

I know I am not the only one with this fear, I recognize the collective,

but alas this is my blog, my chest, my website's directive.

The stories I tell must mainly come from me,

as this is a relationship, my own blog and me.

It must always be for me, at the end of the day.

Should I fear your approval, I'm already swayed.

I've been asking the stars to be a writer, since I knew you could be one.

I can write all I want, but to be published I must believe, in the power of my words

or not shy from critique.

The courage it takes to let it fly,

with depth and realness and a weighted heart knocking inside.

The place in your soul where imagination and intuition reside.

A place of release, where your words match your emotion, vibration,

and you can alchemize your release.

These are the lessons I am sitting to learn.

Confidence, humility, self-esteem, discern.

Many more for the years that will come and go by,

But for now, me gustaría practicar español, and I need not add to my life.

I am a grown woman to become.

I don't have to think about where my water comes from and I have a flushing toilet so I know the rest is all part of this made up illusion,

where we need to fight,

where we feel the need to be right.

Where we insert ourselves

inside a space

where we were not asked to be.

And nevertheless, when the problems arise,

we've been taught to run and scream and cry and hide ourselves inside

a safe space, and let the others fry outside,

from the damage we've done due to the unhealed wounds inside.

That we are still living with.

So many people live in this matrix. For so many people, this is their real life.

And to fight to break out of it and see it from outside its lines,

it's hard,

it's awakening,

it's the amazing Internal shakes and shivers of Truth we feel inside.

We stop the shake and call it a condition,

If we just let the shaking happen and trust our voice,

I think we'd all really like to see and feel what happens!

The magic that's inside,

begs to come out.

Every time you feed it Truth,

it emerges through the veil of your societally-taught self-doubt.

It shakes and it trembles, and we are taught it is not right,

But it is the Truest thing in its form.

It is Love.

It is You.

It is The Light.